Went fishing by the sea today, outside Gothenburg. With that guy that I’ll keep in my heart and life until the day I die.
We’ve been friends for over 10 years now. And even though we don’t see each other that often, we always pick up where we left off every time we meet.
I’m so deeply thankful that I have a friend like that, because from what I’ve learned - they’re extremely rare.

We stayed out from 3pm until around 10pm. I didn’t catch anything except seaweed… :D Haha. I didn’t really care. It was just amazing being out by the calming sea, talking shit and being batshit crazy with my friend.
He cought around 6-7 fishes though, but they were all too small to take home. They got to swim back home in ze sea :D
It was an odd mixture of codfish and whiting. Huh.

Btw, the last picture is what we were looking at as we walked back to the bus stop to get home… :) Gorgeous.

Anyway, it’s past 1am here so I need to get some sleep… Doing a heavy leg session at the gym tomorrow! My favorite!

The Pity Train has just derailed at the corner of Suck It Up & Move On, and crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming to a stop at Get The Hell Over It.

—-

I used to be one of those whiny little bitches that overpopulate ze internet nowadays. Then I realized that I could actually change the way I feel and the way my life is by starting to do stuff instead of sitting around and complain about shit.
I wasted 10 years of my life sitting by and not doing anything to solve my problems and move forward. And on top of that I have around 500 scars on my left forearm because of my sloth. Gezuz.

Everybody can change. Everybody has the power to take control over their life and be what they want to be. It’s hard, I know. But if everything in life came easy then there wouldn’t really be any point in living at all.

Nothing is impossible. People with that kind of attitude that “I’ts impossible” or “I’ll always be like this” need to get a dropkick on their head and grow a pair.
You won’t know that it’s not going to work if you won’t try. And don’t run away if you don’t succeed at once… As I said earlier, if everything came easy there wouldn’t be any point in trying at fucking all. You need to fail to succeed, the experience of failing is needed so you’ll know what path not to take in order to move forward.

Albert Einstein said a little something like:
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.”

This obviously applies to more than just insanity. Think about it.

It’s a good picture of me, but I realize it’s not what I wanted… Haha.
I had just taken a powernap and took a picture that I thought would say “I LOVE POWERNAPS!!!”
Hahaha. Instead I just look nice. A little confused, but nice.

Balls.

It’s been 16 days. Total silence.
I think I’ll stop counting now.

It’s not really meant to be if you’re pursuing someone that never ever seemed to come closer. Distance unchanged even after 3 months.
It was like he was moving at the same speed and in the same direction as me, miles ahead and never stopping.
A little like chasing a star… I could run night and day and still be stuck on this damned earth, light-years away.

I stopped running today, because if he meant what he said 16 days ago he would have broken the silence this day. Up until now I figured he was busy with work and stuff.
Now it’s little over an hour left of this Saturday and it looks pretty bleak…

Oh well, at least I know now that I can stop running. And instead stroll around and wonder what the fuck went wrong…

—-

Man, it’s been a long day
Stuck thinking ‘bout it driving on the freeway
Wondering if I really tried everything that I could
Not knowing if I should try a little harder

Oh, but I’m scared to death
That there may not be another one like this
And I confess
That I’m only holding on by a thin, thin thread…

Maroon 5 – Sad

Well, this day seems to be ending pretty painfully… Blah.
It’s been a good day in general, I was in a amazing mood and feeling jumpy and happy and all that… But now I just want to smash something or someone to fucking pieces.

First off, I might have a mild concussion. I was running to catch the bus to the gym from school, it was snowing heavily and I didn’t watch where the fuck I was going… So I ended up on my back, having hit my face (mostly my nose) on a horizontal iron pipe.
I got a big red spot on my nose now, and my head aches a bit. I have a bump on my forehead too, but that doesn’t bother me as much as my nose does… My first thought after getting up was that it was broken, which it isn’t luckily. And weirdly enough it didn’t even bleed. 
Gezuz.

Then after reading up a bit on concussions and cooling my nose with snow(!), I decided to do my leg session anyway. I didn’t have a headache back then so.
The leg session went just great, I’m finally back up on 150kg (331lbs) on leg press! But then it was time for my last sets which was squats…
My knees, who has been troubling me from time to time my whole life, started feeling weird. It didn’t hurt enough for me to stop, so I finished. And nooow… They are sore. BLARGH.

So right now I have pretty fine headache, my knees are sore and my stomach aches because well… I’m a girl. Or a woman. Whatever.

So fuck this. I’m going to bed!
Sorry for all the whining, just wanted to get this shite out of my system before going to bed… Haha :)

Oh sweet holy mother of fuck. Here we go again.
There’s a bunch of people out there who actually think I give a flying fuck about them. I don’t. I do however give a shit about them thinking I give a fuck. See the difference?
I’ve kept my mouth shut about this for some time now, but I’m getting pretty pissed off so… Next time I’m getting a worthless text I’m going to give the retard a piece of my mind.
Get your fucking head out of your ass and realize that I don’t care and have no interest what so ever.
I am extremely careful with what and who I spend my time on/with. Am I chasing you down? No? That means you’re not worth my time.
If I say I’m busy I’m actually busy.

So stop being an idiot before it gets ugly.

This is me back in ‘91 I think.

—-

It’s late. Almost 4am here. And I’m still up, drinking some tea and thinking…
Where was I a year ago?

I was back in school, studying biology, chemistry and physics. Ah, fun times… I’m going back next spring to do more math and physics before going to university.
I was seeing my lab partner Seb almost every day… Gawd, I miss that. And him. Such a silly and funny person.
Me and Seb went to this DJ gig, got shitfaced and danced around like maniacs. We didn’t stop even if the dancefloor became empty from time to time during the night.
And I made friends with a handsome fella who spent 2 hours with me talking about life, the universe and everything (no not the book!). We still text every week. Loves it.
I was spending a lot of time with a wonderful guy who was kind enough to go with me to the premiere of Breaking Dawn part I. Haha. He deserves better though. Something less difficult… I’m just too complex and… Just a hot mess, really.
I wasn’t exercising at all at this point. I’ve been lifting weights on and off since 2004, and at one point I was really fit. I wanted to get back to that, but I just couldn’t find the motivation to keep on with it. Until February 2012! And I’ve been going on strong and strict since then. Happy days!

Can’t wait to start over again on monday! I got so much energy inside waiting to come out and explode!
Time to go to bed. Nightie! 

Woho! It’s father’s day here in Sweden right now. I gave my father an early present yesterday… He came down with a fever, haha!
Sorry dad! Get well soon!

So there’s a fucking biohazard in this house now.

I’m feeling a little better today. A little. My fever isn’t that bad anymore, but my throat still hurts like hell.
Yup, I’m being a gigant baby about this. BUT IT HURTS!
I can’t even eat when it’s hurting the most. I’ve been eating more painkillers than food, I think. But I eat painkillers so that I can eat, because it feels like someone is cutting my right tonsil open everytime I drink or eat.
Gaaah…

And oh, I had some minty pastils that are supposed to numb your throat when it hurts. I took one on friday when hell broke loose, and it kind of worked. But it also made me vomit. Lovely. I was dizzy and hallucinating from the fever so I just thought my illness made me vomit… Nono…
Yesterday I tried another one, and a couple of minutes later I started feeling sick in my stomach… That’s when I figured it out :p So I threw all of them evil pastils out.

I’m hoping my throat will feel better tomorrow so I don’t have to go to the doctor in ze early morning. But at the same time I’m worried I might have an abscess on my right tonsil… And if I do, they’d have to cut it open… YUCK.

Nooo, happy positive thoughts!
Now I’m going to watch a buttload of QI (again) and be a gigant baby in bed instead.

Buh-bye! 

Blaaargh. I’m sick, really really fucking sick…
Been having superhigh fever and superswollen throat since friday morning. I actually spent most of my friday in bed, hallucinating about (don’t laugh) “black” and “white” demons… Wtf?
And those times when I fell asleep I dreamt about the same fucking thing.

When I have that high fever my body tends to ache like hell too. I can’t even lie down in bed without my back or hips or something else hurts. Booo! :(
I’ve been eating pills constantly to get my fever down and to have some moments when swallowing water or even talking doesn’t hurt like fuck.
 
A couple of hours ago I found some strength to take a shower (because when the fever goes down you’re sweating like a god damn pig) and to make some real warm food.
Even though I absolutely love salmon, carrots (both baked in oven) and rice, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would…
My taste buds are apparently as sick and dying as I am, so it didn’t taste much. Thank youuu…

Alrighty, enough with the whining. I need to wash my dishes and shit before the fever goes up again… Poop!

Been reading up a bit on depression. I thought I knew pretty much everything about it since I’ve been suffering from it my entire life.
But I was mistaken.

A key part to recovery is to have family and friends to be there and support you.
I have neither.
So I don’t really see the point in getting professional help, since I have no one to fall back on.
Nothing to come back to.

I used to be fine on my own. Of course it was rough and dark at times, but I always knew it would get better.
I’m not so sure anymore. I’m not sure of anything really, except that there’s always that simple way out…
And that knowledge gives me a little inner peace, sadly enough. But it’s the only comfort I can find in this mess.